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| Person Connor has just met: | *giving Connor some stick about being "accessible"*
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| Me: | How accessible is she now, Connor!?
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| Connor: | Kilimanjaro. |
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Connor making a good impression again.
| Connor: | You are so accessible
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| Person Connor has just met: | What do you mean by that!?
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| Connor: | ... That you are easy to talk to...?
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| Person Connor has just met: | It doesn't sound like that :( |
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"You’re almost 6 foot tall?? I wish I could give you a few of my inches!"
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"Donkeys love pens. Do they spit or swallow?"
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"from now on i shall be the alpha male. the lion leading his pack of lioness shlaaags into the salvage abyss of what we’ve come to accept as the edinburgh night life. i will start beating on my chest and saying things like ‘heyo BROOO’, and i will piss on every street corner to mark my territory"
Connor, after being told he does not provide enough testosterone to balance out our otherwise pretty female group.
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"The bees are at my man flower again. Suckling the honey."
Connor and I euphemising terms for penis in the most effeminate way possible.
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"She’s a weapon. I vividly remember trying to pull her a thousand times and failing on each and every single attempt. She’d fall over. I’d hit our heads. It was hilarious."
Connor’s pulling techniques.
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"Good on ya for waking up so early! Apparently i phoned home last night to tell my parents that im a dirty, sexually-experimental, drug-addicted slag lmfao. Always great table conversation! FML."
Texts from Connor the morning after the night before are always exceptional.
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"I do actually function as a human being…"
Connor (obviously deluding himself).
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"I hope she dies, but the way I hope she dies is very humane. I mean, I hope she gets chopped up into a thousand pieces, but I hope that first she gets smothered so she won’t feel any pain…"
